Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Morceau de Merde

I've put off posting here lately, not because I lost interest in it, but because I haven't really gone on any adventures or lived through anything I felt was worth sharing. I love writing, as I feel like I can be myself most expressively doing so, but the last almost two years since my last post on here haven't been anything stellar.

The advent of extreme oversharing via social media and stupid contemporary trend fulfillment is alive and well, and I don't feel the need to be a part of it (my mother exclaiming OMG and taking too many unnecessary shitty selfies, my father transitioning from being sickly and hooked up to a blood-sucking machine to being much healthier yet still constantly hooked up to yet another blood-sucking machine {Facebook's Messenger can eat a fat bag of dick}) unless I deem it worthy. My Instagram feed located here on the right is somewhat indicative of what I do these days (buy/sell/trade most anything, craft custom toy cars to ease the depression of my own two real cars being too expensive to do the same with, etc.).

To add to that shitstorm, the extreme shift in life milestones of my peers versus my own doesn't exactly make me feel any better about myself or the path I've been teetering on, so yet another reason I don't post anything about myself that would let on to that. I've never been one to live so competitively/comparatively, but I can't help but notice that I'm accomplishing less and less, and that's the truly saddening part. I feel as all of potential has been bleeding out of me as I fulfill all of the obligations I've been saddled with, and my will to do the best I can do for myself is weakening.

My education/experience doesn't mean anything to employers, my contributions to my family are overlooked and merely expected as opposed to being appreciated. I used to have muses, inspiration, something that would be my incentive to strive, I don't have many (if any) of those nowadays. Let's hope something comes along, soon. The fog is thickening on my vision of positivity, and disheartening as it may sound, but I'd rather be selfish with everything than help anyone anymore, even myself. Even when it comes to my own being. I can only give so much, before it becomes time to take.